unprofessional amour
by pyr0technic
Summary: "Well, it was going to happen eventually! I just figured I'd help speed things up a bit. Love, Mom." Complete with candles, seductive music, and lingerie. [college fake dating! au], [pokeshipping]


college fake dating! au for pokeshipping!

.x

Ash rested his shoulder on the lowered window of the car, letting the wind rush inside and help ease him away from reality. He began to daze off, blissfully unaware of his surroundings.

"So, Ash."

He exhaled tiredly, his previous daydream disappearing with a puff. He was in the passenger's seat of Serena's car, and Serena was eyeing him expectantly from her place behind the wheel.

"Yeah?" Ash answered.

"Are you really sure you can't do any other extra curricular activities after class? It would be nice if we could spend some more time together." Her voice grew more meek as she neared the end of the last sentence, and she ended up shifting her gaze back to the road again.

"Sorry, I wish I could, but I've got to tutor today." Ash stopped there, afterwards rubbing his neck. He felt like he should say something else, something reassuring so that she wouldn't think badly of him but he couldn't summon the words.

Serena raised her eyebrows. "Oh, you're studying? For what exam? Biology?"

Ash's eyes widened, and he appeared to be having a mental debate with himself. "Uh, no, I'm just studying for... you know, in general! Studying for life. Yep."

Thankfully, Serena did not pursue this topic further. Ash exhaled in relief, and was about to settle into the lull of silence until the strawberry blonde decided to speak up again.

"That's good. Do you want to drop by my house later, by the way? I don't think you've ever met my mom!"

It was Ash's turn to raise an eyebrow. Why did she want him to meet her family? Well, sure, Serena and him had been hanging out together more often, mostly as a result of Serena initiating the invites. They had several classes together and since Ash still didn't have a car, the other girl offered to drive him home, and who was her to refuse? It was getting cold out, anyway.

Either way, it felt off for some strange reason. Like something wasn't right here.

"Uh, sure, maybe some time I'm free." Ash smiled politely, still a bit flattered by the offer. "Oh, you can stop here, by the way."

Serena slowly brought the car to the stop at the end of the road, warily eyeing the path leading to the neighborhood in front of them. "You tutor here? Er, not that it's bad, but uh, just... if you need a new one, you can tell me and I'll get you one."

Ash blinked. "Okay."

"Do you want me to drop you off by the house?"

"No, thanks. I can take it from here!"

Ash slammed the door shut and watched Serena back up and merge back onto the road. He grinned and waved as she passed by him, and he watched her face change in a variety of emotions in the split second they made eye contact. She barely remembered to wave, red-faced, before she was out of sight.

Ash, of course, did not notice this.

"Yoooo, Ash!"

Barry came barreling towards him, bumping his shoulder against the other boy and giving him one of his usual thousand watt smiles.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" Ash asked, cheered up by the presence of the other boy.

Barry replied, "Oh, I'm supposed to meet up with Dawn for a project by Starbucks in a minute. What about you?"

"Heading to Misty's."

Barry seemed confused for a moment, but realization dawned upon his face a second later. "Oh, right, the house situation. Your mom's out of town because she thinks your at your dad's, which you're... not."

"Um, yeah. Again, please don't say anything. I won't want to worry her," Ash said, face darkening at the mention of his father.

"No problem, buddy! I've got your back." Barry grinned yet again, winking and thumping his back. "Haha, poor Misty, though! You guys are at each other's throat enough as it is, wonder how you guys are at her house!"

Ash couldn't help but laugh. "You have no idea. She keeps telling me the only reason she's letting me stay is because of my mom. She also feels sorry for me I think, about the family thing."

Barry nodded, processing this information. Then, seeming to remember something, he cried out and jumped, startling Ash. Slamming a fist on his palm, he questioned, "Oh, right! Ash, who was that who just dropped you off?"

"Serena."

" _Serena_? As in your _girlfriend_ Serena?"

Ash went to nod, but suddenly froze, feeling something settle in the pit of his stomach. "Wait, what? She's not my girlfriend."

Barry looked outright flabbergasted. "Yo, what? Like, everyone's talking about it. She even calls you her boyfriend! She said you guys have even been out on a couple of dates!"

"Dates?" Ash scratched his head, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. "I don't... I mean, we've hung out, but I don't think those were dates!"

"Well, what did she ask you?"

"She said, 'Hey Ash, do you want to go out with me?' And I said, 'Where?' And then she was like, 'To dinner.' And then I was like, wow free food that's sweet, so I accepted!"

Barry stared for a long moment. Then he threw his arms in the air, yelling, "That was her asking you out on a _date_ , you idiot! Now you've led her into thinking you guys are _dating_! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?"

* * *

Ash turned the key in the door, pushing it open to enter. He was rather exhausted and somewhat distraught from the day's events, and was honestly ready to sink into the couch and watch T.V. or something. Maybe if he was up to it, he'd annoy Misty until she agreed to do his homework.

These plans evaporated into thin air when he saw his mother greeting him at the kitchen table.

"Ash!" she exclaimed sweetly. Ignoring his shock, she enveloped in a quick hug, and then pulled out a chair for him. "Come and sit."

"Mom, what are you–"

" _Eat first_ ," Delia scolded, setting a hot plate in front of him. Ash's mouth watered, as he hadn't eaten anything other than packaged ramen (due to Misty's horrendous cooking skills) in the past month. He obeyed.

As Ash ate, Delia constantly asked him if he wanted more. No matter what his answer was, she served him more. Then, when he was wrapping up, Delia spoke. "I came by to visit you tonight since I have today off. I'm going back in another or so. And – I know the _whole_ situation," she said cheerfully, clasping her hands together.

Ash swallowed. "You... you do?"

"Yes!" She nodded, eyes creasing when she smiled. "Misty told me that she's helping you study, and you ended up spending a couple of nights. That's fine! Just make sure you tell your father."

Well, that wasn't far from the truth.

"Sure," Ash said, wanting to pacify his mother for the time being (because he definitely wasn't going to do that).

"Things are still going strong with Misty?" Delia followed up, setting her head on her clasped hands.

"Girl – oh, haha, yeah! Of course!"

"You're not fighting anymore, now, are you? No more breaking up over silly things!"

"Mmhmm!"

Oh, God. There was another lie. He was also sort of in a fake relationship with Misty since the last year of high school. That was a thing. They were supposed to stage a break-up at some point or the other, but that's where his mother came in. And _her_ sisters. They had become convinced they were actually in love and had to stay together no matter what. Life was hectic at the moment, with Ash as a college student and Misty working two part-time jobs _for_ college, and that had sort of fallen into the back burner.

"Oh, I'm glad! You two really are perfect for each other, you know. Everything should be fine as long as you don't do anything ridiculous, like say, _cheat_ on her with some _other girl_ , but you wouldn't do that!" She chuckled merrily.

Oh, shit.

Ash choked on the sip of water he had been taking, slamming the glass on the table while trying to control his hacking coughs. Delia's eyebrows furrowed into a frown and she appeared concerned and ready to say something until she was interrupted.

"Hey! There's actual food on the table today and you don't even call me?" Misty shut the door and locked it expertly whilst holding several shopping bags. She had let Delia in earlier to buy office supplies – she didn't expect the lady to cook something up in that short amount of time she was gone in.

Misty set her bags down, glaring at Ash.

"Don't look at me!" he cried.

"Now, now," Delia chimed in, smiling warmly at Misty. "I've made your favorite, too. Sit down, honey."

Misty was no match for Delia's charm, and as such, the glare vanished instantly and she relented with a reluctant smile and took a seat beside her, helping herself.

A few moments passed by in silence as Misty ate, and Delia made small talk, and Ash stared.

"Misty," Ash called. "Where were you earlier this morning? I thought you were going to bring me stuff after class!"

There was a slight change in Misty's demeanor as he asked that – she froze for a split second, only to continue eating again. "Where was I? Somewhere, Ash. I have places to be. I'm not getting my college paid for like you."

Ash's jaw clenched as the conversation tapped into sensitive territory. Neither of the women noticed, however, as they didn't see anything wrong with what she said. Ash's undergrad expenses were all covered, courtesy of Giovanni. Ash was starting to dislike this thought the more and more it was brought up.

Delia, meanwhile was glancing back and forth at the other two. "Misty... did you go to visit Ash during class today?" Her eyes glinted knowingly.

"I was supposed to drop off textbooks, but I had something more important," Misty answered. She polished off the rest of her plate, and then turned to Ash. "Don't you have an exam in two days?"

"I do?" Ash asked. "Which class?"

Misty swore she could feel a vein twitch. "Why are you asking _me_ that?"

"Well, who else am I supposed to ask?"

"I swear, you don't even _try_! Why go to class if you're just going to laze around and do nothing! Do you have any idea, no, _any_ _idea_ of what I would do in that position? That's it Ash, I'm making you study tonight!"

"Noooo! Misty, don't make me!"

Delia watched the lover's spat unfold in front of her, wondering why they ever split up.

* * *

"Oh my gosh, Delia! I had a feeling he would go back to Misty in the end!"

Delia sat across from Daisy at a _Panera Bread,_ throwing her head back and laughing with the other woman as if they'd been friends for years. Which technically, they were. The Ash and Misty fiasco tended to drag everyone in whether they liked it or not.

"You should have seen them last night! She was fussing over him, just like I would! She cares so much about him. Ash gets really clingy, too! Oh, things are going to swell, Daisy."

They were like gossiping moms.

"That does it," Daisy said deviously as the laster ceased between them. "We have to put our heads together and get those two back together."

Delia nodded fervently. "I agree. Who do they think they're kidding with their little act? Honestly, I'm insulted that they're pretending to be together just to please us. They should know better!"

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Daisy raised her cheap lemonade glass for a toast, not even giving a shit. "Let's get to it."

* * *

Misty brought a steaming pot to the small dining table, setting it down before slipping off her kitchen gloves.

"Ramen again," Ash deadpanned as he slid into the seat opposing her.

"Problem?" Misty asked.

"Not at all."

Misty smiled. Good. He was learning.

"I didn't do the dishes, by the way, so I'm just going to dig in," Misty said, removing the lid and jutting her own pair of chopsticks in the pot. Ash scrambled around for his own before he did the same, and suddenly the two were in a contest. If one ate faster, that means they would eat more.

"Wait! Misty, wait!"

As Ash said this, their chopsticks clashed in the pot. It was the infamous ramen clump. This clump was arguably the best part of the entire meal. It was rare, too, of course – sometimes it didn't show at all. It was a clump of intense flavor and spicy goodness, but they had both laid clam upon it.

"Please," Ash broke first. "You got the clump last time. Misty, _please_."

She held his glare for a long moment, wondering if she possessed the morality to be the bigger person. She heard Delia shuffle about in the other room, and made her decision. Slowly, she retracted her chopsticks. Ash paused a moment, doubting if she truly gave in, but then took over the fated clump. She didn't have to say a single word.

"I'm welcome," Ash said.

* * *

 **To: Daisy  
From: Delia**

they were eating together and misty was looking after him!

-.-

 **To: Delia 3  
From: Daisy**

awwwww! lolol. theres like a certain kind of bond you get when you eat from the same plate ya know what im sayin? ;) ITS TRU LUV

* * *

Misty was nose-deep in her books again, and Ash was supposed to be doing the same.

"Misty, I'm bored. Make me ramen."

When Misty didn't respond, he brushed a finger through her tiny side ponytail. "Ramen."

"Stop it." Misty's brow twitched as her eyes remained trained on the textbook.

"Come on." Ash sat down right next to her by the bed, cross-legged, shoulders touching as he poked her ponytail again. "Please."

"Stop it."

"I'm hungry..." Poke.

"I _said stop it_!" Misty snapped, her bared teeth lunging for Ash's finger. He yelled, backing away in alarm instantly. He turned away, pouting at his slightly bitten finger, and then glaring at Misty. She merely growled warningly, showing no mercy.

* * *

 **To: Daisy  
From: Delia**

today they had a little lover's spat :)

 **-.-**

 **To: Delia  
From: Daisy**

yeah, i heard! she said she bit his finger tho?

-.-

 **To: Daisy  
From: Delia**

he probably deserved it!

-.-

 **To: Delia  
From: Daisy**

LOL TRU

* * *

Sometimes, Ash and Misty would glare at each other even if nothing happened. Just glaring, because that's what they do and no one could stop them from doing it. They were sure the other did something to annoy them at some point, anyway.

* * *

 **To: Delia  
From: Daisy**

like, i think they're ready.

-.-

 **To: Daisy  
From: Delia**

then all we have to do is set the table.

* * *

"Daisy, believe it or not, I _own_ make-up. I just don't wear it twenty-four seven." Misty crossed her arms and frowned at her older sister browsing through _Sephora's_ latest lipstick collection. Okay, so maybe she didn't own _expensive_ makeup, but she didn't need to know that.

"I'm sure you do, Lil Sis," Daisy answered, holding a shade next to Misty's lips and pursing her her own. "But we both know I have better taste. Just take it as a gift! Your birthday's coming up, soon right?"

"In six months."

"Mmhmm... hey, what do you think of this nice, dark red shade? Seductive, right?"

" _Seductive_?"

"Yeah, speaking of that, you own decent lingerie, right?"

"I–"

"Forget it, of course you don't."

* * *

Dinnertime.

"Ash, you _did_ change your _you-know-whats_ today, right?"

" _Mom_!" He didn't miss a beat. He checked to see if Misty was around, then heaved a sigh of relief. She probably wouldn't let him hear the end of it. God, what a great way to start dinner.

"Just checking," she said in sing-song. Luckily, Misty walked in, saving him from any more possible humiliation from his mother. Hopefully. After they were all settled, Delia poured herself a glass of wine – and filled in the other two.

"Mom? You never let me drink," Ash spluttered in awe, watching his mother casually take a sip of her own.

"You don't have to, honey. I just thought you might want to try a little. You're twenty, now, after all," she said sweetly.

Misty took a long sip. "I'm not complaining!" she proclaimed cheerfully, apparently very satisfied with this turn of events. Ash rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his own. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't wonderful either. Either way, he felt pressured to finish it for some strange reason. Maybe it was the way his mom kept eyeing the two of them, as if she expected them to finish it.

Delia ended up finishing before both of them (which wasn't new) but what was surprising was the way she poured out a random excuse, grabbed her things and hightailed it on out of there.

"She probably has to get back to work," Ash offered to Misty's puzzled look. She didn't seem convinced, however, but there was nothing she could do about it. They continued to eat, conversing casually, convinced that the rest of the night would proceed as smoothly as usual.

* * *

Ash followed Misty to her room by habit. They usually talked for a while until Ash fell asleep on the floor, or managed to gain the consciousness to scramble to the guest room. Today, however, they were both halted in their steps due to the entire room being terribly off.

First, it was the candles. They were everywhere, but somehow also used sparingly: it was dark but _just_ light enough to see. Then, it was the music that suddenly became louder.

" _She's touching his chest... now he takes off her dress, now let me gooo..."_

That's when it got really weird. The atmosphere changed from casual and utter indifference to something quite possibly the extreme opposite. The room filled with tension, and collars were pulled, dresses were tugged.

"Who even turned that on?!" Misty flushed indignantly, stomping over to the music player to switch that off. She pinched the bridge of her nose, back still turned to Ash as she tried to comprehend what was going on. This couldn't be... it just couldn't...

"Uh, Misty? You might wanna see this."

Oh, no. Ash's voice was about five octaves higher than it usually was. Why was his voice higher? Misty bit back her rising fear and returned to where he was pointing, only for her jaw to drop in horror. There was a set of hot pink, see-through lingerie set out for her, along with a note that read:

 _Well, it was bound to happen eventually. We figured we'd just help speed things up a bit!_

 _Love, Mom & Sis_

"Does this even cover anything?" Ash uttered indignantly, holding the thong up to the small light there was. "It's see through!"

"Put that down," Misty snapped, snatching it from him, in the process feeling her face heat up by at least twenty degrees. They sat there in silence, taking everything in.

"This is _so_ embarrassing," Misty groaned, hands covering her face.

"And _hilarious_ ," Ash added, as the music player somehow turned on again with another uncomfortably seductive tune. "It almost feels bad to let all this effort go to waste."

" _To waste!?_ This is utterly ridiculous, Ash! You're not thinking about it, are you?"

"What?! No!"

"IN YOUR DREAMS."

"I-I wasn't even going to – when did I ever say that I wanted–WHAT DREAM?" He stared at her, slack-jawed, in utter disbelief that Misty could assume so badly of him.

Misty continued exhaling in fury, trying her hardest not to worsen the impending blush that was starting to reach her ears.

"You know what, I should be asking _you_ that for even suggesting it! Is that what you think of when you see me, Misty?" Ash flipped the situation, successfully gaining the upper hand in the argument.

Misty, predictably, snapped. "Okay, you know what? You're getting out of here this instant."

"Why can't I stay in here?"

"Because then they'll think they succeeding in their stupid plan!"

"So what? They think we're together, don't they?"

" _OUT_."

"Oh my God, _ow_!"

"Oh, quit with your dramatics!"

"I'm–I'm not kidding, Misty! I'm bleeding!"

"... Oh, no."

* * *

"This is going to sting," Misty warned dutifully. Without waiting for a response, she pressed the cleaning wipe to Ash's forehead where she hit (and apparently scraped with her nail, which wasn't on purpose!) him. He winced, and she laughed in response.

"You love seeing me in pain, don't you?" Ash mumbled, irritatedly glancing at the door.

Misty giggled. "Probably. I'm sorry, seriously. Just lean closer for a second." Ash obeyed, and Misty continued to help patch up the minor wound. She concentrated on cutting the bandage to just the right size so it would fit, momentarily completely absorbed in the task. Ash chose that moment to open his eyes from flinching, locking eyes.

There was a strange lurch in his stomach, and all the tension the remove that was there before returned instantly. Misty colored and backed away, suddenly prioritizing her distance. She sat in silence, not daring to speak after everything that had happened.

"W-W-Wanna watch T.V.?" Oh, _Christ_ , that was three stutters in one sentence. Ash sincerely hoped he would be able to get his act together and stop freaking out over this strange situation. Speaking of strange situations, what exactly was... this? He hadn't really thought about it in detail yet. Er, the objective was obvious enough, but... there was something else that was making this weird, and he couldn't put his finger on it.

He turned on the television, still distracted by his thoughts. Distracted enough to not even notice what was being displayed right now.

"Ash, you've got to be kidding me."

Ash snapped out of it and turned to Misty, who currently had her head between her knees. Then, he snapped back to the television aaaand... of course. Not just _any_ sex scene, it had to be the one from – okay, he should've probably been turning it on instead of speculating because their moans were staring to increase in volume–

And it shut off. More silence.

"Um... do you mind if I ask you something, Misty?"

Misty's heart leaped for some odd reason. "Shoot," she said without a moment's hesitation.

"So... there's this girl that I've been 'dating'–"

"You're _what_!?"

"No, no listen – she just _thinks_ we're dating. But uh, that's mostly my fault. I mistook something she said for something else. And uh, she's been giving me rides home all the time, too."

Misty stared, almost impressed by the boy's utter idiocy. "You would, Ash. You would."

"Um, can I have advice. How do I stop this."

Misty exhaled loudly, visibly frustrated. "You've just got to be brutally honest about everything that happened. I'm sure she'll understand."

"That's it?" Ash tilted his head. "That's all the advice you've got, Misty?"

"For you? Yeah, because that's about the extent of what you can handle," Misty quipped smartly, hiding a smug look at his clear offense. Ash grew silent again, and they sat there for a long time, thinking, wondering about the things they knew they could never say out loud.

Ash glanced at Misty, and realized what everyone was expecting them to do right now – augh, it was so embarrassing it gave him a headache to think about. However, as he secretly stole glances at her, he found his thoughts diverting. Misty was more than just Misty – she was family. She was had stuck by him through a lot of things, and he could not deny the importance of her in his life.

Maybe that's why he wanted to move closer to her.

And so he did.

"Ash?"

"There's pillow over here."

"Oh."

He picked at his fingernails, trying to summon the courage to speak. "Thanks for everything, Misty. The past couple years, and this year. You've been helping me out a lot with college. To be honest, I don't know if I could make it without you."

Misty shook her head disbelievingly and chuckled. "Of course you could, you're just too lazy. And thanks for being there for me, too I guess."

Ash nodded, as he could find nothing else to say. It didn't seem words for enough. He wondered if she would yell at him for touching her hand. Casting doubt aside, Ash slowly moved his hand over hers, hovering hesitantly before laying it down. Misty flinched, and he retracted the hand instantly.

"Sorry, that was an accident," came tumbling the excuse.

Of course. What had he been thinking? Misty wasn't... she didn't like that sort of thing. But why was he disappointed? He had just wanted to offer her some friendly support. It wasn't supposed to make him feel stupid or guilty.

Meanwhile, Misty clenched the hand that felt like it was burning, and stared at the other fist that held the scrunched up lingerie.

Maybe someday, when he realized how he felt and she stopped feeling inadequate every time she passed by his university and all she wanted to do was scream because he had the one thing she had wanted more than anything.

So no, it couldn't be today.


End file.
